Wednesday, June 1, 2011
GRATITUDE, or the resulting sign my 3 yo knocked over by throwing his ball in the house: TITUDE.
It's been so nice outside I've been able to work on my Vitamin D absorbsion and get my kids sunburned at the same time. I invested in the Smalley Summer House of Bounce. This monstrous inflatable bouncy place. The kids LOVED it. We invited the four kids next door over to play with us. Some communication errors, but everyone is learning and slowly my Spanish is coming pack. Later Jes brought her boys down and they got us all cracking up laughing, especially with Ashton's dead man's fall. Morgan took Phineas aside and they played together in the front year. I think they had a good time and I think this is just what Phin needs to learn social skills and building new friendships.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Happiest Moments of the Day
Yesterday was a blah day. I felt terrible for no reason and was (regrettably) short with everyone: my kids; my husband; my dogs. Went to aerobics class solo and there must have been something in the air cause I could feel other women were frustrated and having an un-stellar day too. I enjoyed my workout and pushing my body and mind to their limits. Glad I got up and got out of the house and got moving. Damn inertia makes it hard to get up and get my yass moving sometimes. So workout went great, got home and was nicer to my family. Finn came and asked me, "You happy, Mom?" He'd been giving me hugs and kisses all day and telling me he loved me and this was the first time I really noticed. He is such a sweetheart and he notices my moods and emotions more than I think he does.
Today my kids were playing with a flashlight Star Wars Storm Trooper toy. Finn would shine it onto the coffee table and Mattie would try to grab the light. They were teasing each other and both look at me after they had each done their part and start laughing so hard. Mattie had her bottle sticking out of her mouth and would grin and laugh and make sure we were watching her reaction. Finn was so cute with her and I'm glad they're starting to play well with one another and Finn isn't hitting her every chance he gets. (Sometimes if she's crying due to one of his unwarranted attacks I'll ask him if he hit her, "No, I punch her." Well thanks for clarifying.)
My other favorite part of the day was working out with my bud Jes and being able to get our pump on-yep I just said that-and also have good tear-jerking conversations. I won't go into detail, but just say that Jes is like another sister to me and such a great confidant. I love ya, Jes! Thanks for everything tonight.
Today my kids were playing with a flashlight Star Wars Storm Trooper toy. Finn would shine it onto the coffee table and Mattie would try to grab the light. They were teasing each other and both look at me after they had each done their part and start laughing so hard. Mattie had her bottle sticking out of her mouth and would grin and laugh and make sure we were watching her reaction. Finn was so cute with her and I'm glad they're starting to play well with one another and Finn isn't hitting her every chance he gets. (Sometimes if she's crying due to one of his unwarranted attacks I'll ask him if he hit her, "No, I punch her." Well thanks for clarifying.)
My other favorite part of the day was working out with my bud Jes and being able to get our pump on-yep I just said that-and also have good tear-jerking conversations. I won't go into detail, but just say that Jes is like another sister to me and such a great confidant. I love ya, Jes! Thanks for everything tonight.
Friday, September 24, 2010
On Death and Dying: Part 2
While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. ~John Taylor
Here I sit in my living room typing this surrounded by toys and clothes scattered all over the floor and the couch. I could be upset, but this just means that there are signs of life in my house. I could clean it up, but I am too lazy.
In my last post I discussed two recent deaths and last night just spoke of one. This death weighs heavily on my heart and I wish I could be in Oregon to give my good friend L a tight squeeze and the assurance that she can get through anything. On Sept 21, (which also happens to be my sister-in-law Kellie's birthday), L's younger (and only) sister passed away from complications from breast cancer. I read the news on L's FB and I literally had to sit down and weep for my friend. I had only met her sister, M, a few times, but I knew how much L loved her and how much she'd help out her sister by watching her kids while she went to chemo or when she was too tired. M was only 28 or 29 when she passed and I think the most terrible thing is that she left behind two tiny children. I think her son was four and her daughter two. I weep for her husband and how he is going to deal with the rest of his life as a widower and as a single parent. There are really no words to describe the sorrow I feel for my friend and her family right now. L had just gotten engaged and now I'm sure it will be a bittersweet wedding.
On a happier side-note: Here's a little fun fact about the Smalleys: L is the one responsible for getting Kai and me together. So depending on how our relationship is going, L was a either a Godsend or L was the Devil. Actually I am forever indebted to this brave, amazing, hilarious woman.
I don't get to see L as much as I want to, what with her traveling and living in the South (Tulsa and Vandy). I always wanted her to come back so we could all raise our kids next to each other with Natalie and Casey and take them to John Mayer at the Gorge concerts. She is one of the best friends I have and whenever I do get to talk to her, even it it's been months, it always feels like I talked to her yesterday and we can pick up right where we left off. So Liz, I just want to let you know again, how much I love you. The first year (or two) sucks so bad because it seems like people want to you be over it already. But grieving takes its own time. One suggestion that I have would be to take a grief group. My mom, and my friend R's mom took an adult one and my little sis, R's little bro, and our friend C took a teen class. It was very therapeutic so basically all we'd do was go in there and cry and talk about our loved one.
PS Kai wore his pink breast cancer pin on his label at his football game in honor of your sister. Please call me anytime, I'd love to talk to you.
Here I sit in my living room typing this surrounded by toys and clothes scattered all over the floor and the couch. I could be upset, but this just means that there are signs of life in my house. I could clean it up, but I am too lazy.
In my last post I discussed two recent deaths and last night just spoke of one. This death weighs heavily on my heart and I wish I could be in Oregon to give my good friend L a tight squeeze and the assurance that she can get through anything. On Sept 21, (which also happens to be my sister-in-law Kellie's birthday), L's younger (and only) sister passed away from complications from breast cancer. I read the news on L's FB and I literally had to sit down and weep for my friend. I had only met her sister, M, a few times, but I knew how much L loved her and how much she'd help out her sister by watching her kids while she went to chemo or when she was too tired. M was only 28 or 29 when she passed and I think the most terrible thing is that she left behind two tiny children. I think her son was four and her daughter two. I weep for her husband and how he is going to deal with the rest of his life as a widower and as a single parent. There are really no words to describe the sorrow I feel for my friend and her family right now. L had just gotten engaged and now I'm sure it will be a bittersweet wedding.
On a happier side-note: Here's a little fun fact about the Smalleys: L is the one responsible for getting Kai and me together. So depending on how our relationship is going, L was a either a Godsend or L was the Devil. Actually I am forever indebted to this brave, amazing, hilarious woman.
I don't get to see L as much as I want to, what with her traveling and living in the South (Tulsa and Vandy). I always wanted her to come back so we could all raise our kids next to each other with Natalie and Casey and take them to John Mayer at the Gorge concerts. She is one of the best friends I have and whenever I do get to talk to her, even it it's been months, it always feels like I talked to her yesterday and we can pick up right where we left off. So Liz, I just want to let you know again, how much I love you. The first year (or two) sucks so bad because it seems like people want to you be over it already. But grieving takes its own time. One suggestion that I have would be to take a grief group. My mom, and my friend R's mom took an adult one and my little sis, R's little bro, and our friend C took a teen class. It was very therapeutic so basically all we'd do was go in there and cry and talk about our loved one.
PS Kai wore his pink breast cancer pin on his label at his football game in honor of your sister. Please call me anytime, I'd love to talk to you.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
On Death and Dying: Part 1
The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God. ~Quoted in The Angels' Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994
Two life-altering deaths have occurred in the last two weeks. Not as life-altering for me as for the relatives of these two families. Neither family has met each other, as they live in different states, and the only connection they possess to one another is that I know both of them. I grieve for them and my grief inevitably turns inward and I grieve for my father.
This all started back on Dec 14, 1996, two months and three days after the loss of my father to colon cancer. My friends C and R and I had planned on taking dates to the Senior Ball that Saturday night at our tiny high school. But first I had to drive to SLC to take my ACT test early Sat morning. I stopped on the way home at the mall to look for a pair of dress shoes and considered calling my friend R from a pay phone (obviously these were pre-cell phone days) but decided against it. So I hurried home instead to get ready for the dance. Upon arriving home, my older sister gave me the grave news that R had been in a car accident and been Life Flighted to a hospital in SLC. My naive 17-year old brain didn't really understand the implications of the seriousness of Life Flight. I think I tried calling C, but she wasn't at home. Then my friend J called and we decided to meet so we could drive to the hospital together. On my way to meet her, I spotted a tow truck ahead of me with a car that looked like R's. What is it about people that want to see the morbid details of car accidents? I sped and sped until I caught up to that tow truck and realized that it was, in fact, R's Mitsubishi Montero. The car was totaled. I remember driving behind it and thinking "My God, how lucky she was to have survived such a terrible crash. Thank you for being with her, Lord." Little did I know I was wrong; she would not survive. I met my friend J and her little sister C to drive to SLC. Not much was said on the 45 minute car ride to the hospital; I think we were all in shock. Again, my naive brain thought that we'd get to the hospital and she'd be sitting up in her hospital bed eating Jell-O and watching snowboarding on TV with a bandage on her head and I'd sarcastically tease her for making us miss the big dance. This is not what happened at all. Two of her other friends were in the waiting room as well. They told us she was brain dead. Just like that. But she was still alive. My friends and I went out to the lobby to make phone calls. I tried to call my best friend G and my mom to tell them the situation. I tried G at our work, but she hadn't arrived yet so I gave the payphone number to our boss to have her call me. While I was on the phone with my mom, someone came out to tell us that R had passed away. I don't remember doing a lot of thinking after that, other than telling my mom that she had just died and sobbing, sobbing, sobbing. Just then, the payphone # that I gave my boss started ringing. My initial plan was that I was going to be telling G that R had been in a car accident and she was in critical condition in the hospital. But that plan had been changed because she passed away in that time between phone calls. I still regret G answering the phone and all I could put into words was "R's dead. R's dead." over and over and sobbing. I never got to see R that day or any day after that. I was not there when they sealed her coffin so sometimes I can believe that she's not really in there since I didn't see her. R came in the night before she died to the pizza place where I worked and we talked about the Ball and the plans for the next day.
I still think about R often even after thirteen and a half years, but mostly I think of her family and wonder how they are doing. I think after having kids yourself, it really puts it into perspective what losing your own child might do to your life and your faith. I would still send R's parents Christmas cards, but every year wondered if I should continue doing this or if it made them too sad and was a constant reminder of what they had lost. I saw R's mother once a couple of years ago at the local grocery store and talked to her for a bit about her sons and my son. She seemed so sad but so full of hope and love at the same time. I admired that woman deeply and she was very strong to have lost her only daughter at such a young age.
Last Monday C texted me and asked if I'd heard about R's mom. I hadn't and she informed me that she passed away Sunday Sept 12 from a heart attack. My first thought was that she was at peace with her daughter now. Last Wednesday was the funeral and it is probably one of the best funerals I've been to, if you can say that you've been to a good funeral. Their beloved daughter R was mentioned often as was their surely joyous reunion. It puts a smile on my face through my tears to think that they are together again. Rejoicing. Rejoicing.
Two life-altering deaths have occurred in the last two weeks. Not as life-altering for me as for the relatives of these two families. Neither family has met each other, as they live in different states, and the only connection they possess to one another is that I know both of them. I grieve for them and my grief inevitably turns inward and I grieve for my father.
This all started back on Dec 14, 1996, two months and three days after the loss of my father to colon cancer. My friends C and R and I had planned on taking dates to the Senior Ball that Saturday night at our tiny high school. But first I had to drive to SLC to take my ACT test early Sat morning. I stopped on the way home at the mall to look for a pair of dress shoes and considered calling my friend R from a pay phone (obviously these were pre-cell phone days) but decided against it. So I hurried home instead to get ready for the dance. Upon arriving home, my older sister gave me the grave news that R had been in a car accident and been Life Flighted to a hospital in SLC. My naive 17-year old brain didn't really understand the implications of the seriousness of Life Flight. I think I tried calling C, but she wasn't at home. Then my friend J called and we decided to meet so we could drive to the hospital together. On my way to meet her, I spotted a tow truck ahead of me with a car that looked like R's. What is it about people that want to see the morbid details of car accidents? I sped and sped until I caught up to that tow truck and realized that it was, in fact, R's Mitsubishi Montero. The car was totaled. I remember driving behind it and thinking "My God, how lucky she was to have survived such a terrible crash. Thank you for being with her, Lord." Little did I know I was wrong; she would not survive. I met my friend J and her little sister C to drive to SLC. Not much was said on the 45 minute car ride to the hospital; I think we were all in shock. Again, my naive brain thought that we'd get to the hospital and she'd be sitting up in her hospital bed eating Jell-O and watching snowboarding on TV with a bandage on her head and I'd sarcastically tease her for making us miss the big dance. This is not what happened at all. Two of her other friends were in the waiting room as well. They told us she was brain dead. Just like that. But she was still alive. My friends and I went out to the lobby to make phone calls. I tried to call my best friend G and my mom to tell them the situation. I tried G at our work, but she hadn't arrived yet so I gave the payphone number to our boss to have her call me. While I was on the phone with my mom, someone came out to tell us that R had passed away. I don't remember doing a lot of thinking after that, other than telling my mom that she had just died and sobbing, sobbing, sobbing. Just then, the payphone # that I gave my boss started ringing. My initial plan was that I was going to be telling G that R had been in a car accident and she was in critical condition in the hospital. But that plan had been changed because she passed away in that time between phone calls. I still regret G answering the phone and all I could put into words was "R's dead. R's dead." over and over and sobbing. I never got to see R that day or any day after that. I was not there when they sealed her coffin so sometimes I can believe that she's not really in there since I didn't see her. R came in the night before she died to the pizza place where I worked and we talked about the Ball and the plans for the next day.
I still think about R often even after thirteen and a half years, but mostly I think of her family and wonder how they are doing. I think after having kids yourself, it really puts it into perspective what losing your own child might do to your life and your faith. I would still send R's parents Christmas cards, but every year wondered if I should continue doing this or if it made them too sad and was a constant reminder of what they had lost. I saw R's mother once a couple of years ago at the local grocery store and talked to her for a bit about her sons and my son. She seemed so sad but so full of hope and love at the same time. I admired that woman deeply and she was very strong to have lost her only daughter at such a young age.
Last Monday C texted me and asked if I'd heard about R's mom. I hadn't and she informed me that she passed away Sunday Sept 12 from a heart attack. My first thought was that she was at peace with her daughter now. Last Wednesday was the funeral and it is probably one of the best funerals I've been to, if you can say that you've been to a good funeral. Their beloved daughter R was mentioned often as was their surely joyous reunion. It puts a smile on my face through my tears to think that they are together again. Rejoicing. Rejoicing.
Friday, February 26, 2010
The Smalleyest Shopper
Oh no, Mattie got the shopping gene thanks to her mom and Aunts Kellie and Kelsi! We went to Costco and Target last night to get supplies for Kelsi's bridal shower tomorrow and Mattie LOVED it. She was looking around and smiling and kicking her legs. Not sure if she liked all the noise and bright colors or the people or the art of shopping. Her second cousins Maks and Savannah were there and she loves little kids too. She was holding hands with one-year old Savannah and laughing at crazy Maks. I found a stuffed bunny for Easter that giggles when you push on its tummy and she was smiling and laughing so I HAD to get it for her. She is definitely Little Miss Personality and I'm so blessed that I get to be her mom and watch her grow up.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
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